Bikram Hot Yoga Class
Let’s see if you can get the story of my difficult yoga class from my tweets…
• #hotyoga class from he.. tonight. Instructor had NO heart. Tons of ego. Everything a yoga teacher shouldn't be. Made me very angry. 2 tweets 10:17 PM Jul 12th via web
• I lasted until the end of class only because my favourite instructor was practicing also. 10:18 PM Jul 12th via web
• Going to multiple teachers shows me who NOT to go to. Also, makes me angry as a professional educator. Yep, I'm angry, but I practiced. 10:19 PM Jul 12th via web
• Pushing is good, pushing too hard is NOT good for healing. I'm sure I'll get over this. Thanks for listening to the vent. 10:19 PM Jul 12th via web
• Lots of fallout from last night's brutal #hotyoga class. No sleep; total exhaustion. Key here - be wise when you heat to heal. Don't overdo. 2:52 PM Jul 13th via web
• @FuroreScribindi thanks for watching out for me - perhaps I'm just trying to push that "just around the corner" greatness thing?? 7:37 PM Jul 13th via web in reply to FuroreScribindi
• # Thank you Safah for healing my heart and body with #hotyoga today. Just what I needed after the other night. 1:45 PM Jul 14th via web
So, is it too cryptic? Maybe if you aren’t into twitter. For the rest of you, let me give you an explanation of my very difficult yoga moment.
As you know, I’ve recently begun practicing yoga in a studio with other people in the room and taught by various instructors. I’m looking at my summer as the “summer of new experiences” and have signed on to an unlimited use plan at a local hot yoga studio. I also work diligently on my golf game, so my “training” theme for this year seems to be golf & Pilates and/or yoga for golf. I’ve invested in several at home DVDs and worked through most of them before reaching out to be with “other” people. I attended a Pilates for golf workshop offered as a special for five members at my home golf course. This was done by Hole in One Golf/Pilates as a training session for golf instructors, physiotherapists, massage therapists, and pilates instructors to help golfers improve their core strength, flexibility, and ultimately their golf game. As I’ve practiced Pilates for several years, both at home and in classes with others, I found the workshop too simplistic and beginning for my needs; however, I thoroughly enjoyed the one on one instruction with a physiotherapist and trained pilates instructor. Due to the set up of one on one instruction with only five participants in the workshop and about double the amount of instructors, it was easy to tweak the experience to fit my personal goals and abilities. I took away from that afternoon workshop simply a further confirmation that pilates and core strengthening does help my golf game and significantly helps in my everyday healing and health maintenance.
My second summer experience combining yoga and golf took place at a Balance to Birdies full day workshop conducted by Leila Chartrand a CPGA golf professional (Leila was my very first golf instructor) and her professional certified yoga instructor partner Allison Warnyca. Both are TPI Certified. “The Titliest Performance Institute is a community of Golf Pros, Fitness Pros and Medical Pros all working together to determine what your physical limitations and strengths are and how they apply to your golf swing” (Chartrand & Warnyca, 2010). This was another inaugural workshop given to limited participants to establish a firm connection between yoga, fitness, and improvement of our golf game. The day was fabulous. I don’t use that word often as a descriptor, but it is the best fit in this case. We started with an incredible warm up followed by three stations: golf swing analysis with a Kevlar 3D vest, golf swing analysis and video by Leila, and an hour of yoga practice. After the morning workshops came lunch, TPI testing, some more yoga, and a short game lesson by Leila. I left the day feeling rejuvenated and confident that the efforts I’m going through with my yoga and golf training go hand in hand.
My own personal search into yoga and Pilates has evolved over the years, as you know through some of my previous writing, I live with chronic illness and have for over 14 years. During this time I’ve searched for just about anything that will help me heal and experience a better quality of life. Through beginning using an infrared sauna well over six years ago as a regular routine, I’ve been able to see astonishing improvements in my skin and overall health. Practicing yoga has kept me flexible and moving – a key ingredient to having any quality of life for me; and Pilates has given me more core strength, not only my golfing, but also in my daily life as well. I’ve been an athlete my entire life, a professional dancer in my thirties, trained in ballet, modern, flamenco, tap, Laban notation and movement as well as choreography, I understand correct body alignment and movement. My deep science background in Biology, Chemistry, and Physics helps me understand the body system from a solid medical and kinesthetic view. Practicing yoga, in all its forms, brings the body and mind system into beautiful balance and enhances my daily life both mentally and physically.
So why would a yoga class upset me so much, you may be asking. I think it became one of those experiences in yoga that transforms you. At least it was for me anyway. It ended up being a class unlike any I have ever experienced. I am familiar with all styles of yoga, know (but not necessarily able to completely perform) most of the various poses, and have experienced a large number of instructors throughout my practice – home practice with DVDs – Gaiam, mostly, but many others) and recently with instructors in various workshops and in the yoga studio I’ve been attending. A friend suggested I combine yoga and heat to further my healing – brilliant suggestion, I might add (see previous blog post). I understand that “Bikram” yoga consists of 26 poses completed in sequence in a hot room. I also know that many other yoga styles are moving toward practice in a hot studio that incorporate a combination of Hatha, Vinyasa, Ashtanga (or Power) yoga, Iyengar, Kundalini, Anusara, and others. Many yoga teachers will teach a combination of styles based on their own preference and the needs of their students. This is the type of yoga I’ve experienced. A wide range – no two classes are ever the same – even when practicing with DVDs that seem repetitive. Every day my own personal yoga practice is different. Every day my body is different. I may have not eaten well and am sluggish, or conversely have eaten quite well and have lots of energy. I may have had a great night’s sleep, or a poor one. I may have a lot on my mind from business, home, or personal, or I may be anxious about an upcoming golf tournament or relieved at having just completed one. I do know that I seem to have better times of day for my practice – early evening always seems the best for my circadian rhythms, but I’ve practiced early or mid morning, early or late afternoon, and even late evening. Hands down, the days I practice yoga, I have a better sleep the next night. I personally try to practice some kind of yoga every day, but realistically, I end up practicing about 5 days a week. Yoga balances me – something my type A personality desperately needs. Heat heals me. Yoga and heat together are amazing. Yoga and heat are simply good for my heart – emotionally and physically.
So, the yoga class that hurt my heart was taught in a way that I was completely and totally not prepared for. It was taught in a strict Bikram style from an instructor that I felt had no heart. She was a last minute instructor change and did not interact with the class members before beginning her instruction. She did not know that I have very little cartilage left in both of my knees and cannot do certain deep knee poses without considerable pain nor that I’d had a cervical neck disk injury as a youth. She did not take the time to ask the young man who’d never attended a yoga class before what his physical limitations were, nor did she address the issue for the class as a whole at the beginning. In all my experience with practicing yoga, instructors explicitly explain to students to know their limits, push them if they can, but never to the point of injury or extreme pain. This instructor gave no such warning. She proceeded to teach a Bikram class word for word and motion for motion. Her corrections were rough, her voice unpleasant, her manner militaristic. The effect on me? I got mad. I was just plain irate. I don’t get angry, at least not very often, and when I do, it’s usually a flash of anger, I recognize it, deal with it, and it’s gone. But that night, my anger kept building. The further we got into the class, the angrier I became. I had to step out of many of the poses, I couldn’t hold a ‘tree’ pose to save my life and I’m usually fairly steady and concentrated with balancing poses. Twice I had to go down on my mat to child’s pose and wait out the pose; twice I almost vomited; more than twenty times I wanted to leave, but I’d been instructed to never leave a hot yoga class. Lie down on your mat, breathe it out, stick it out. I felt trapped. My keys were in the back change room, I was by the front door of the studio, I didn’t want to have poor yoga etiquette by getting up, going back and getting my keys, and leaving. One of my favourite instructors was practicing that night also. I could see her two people down from me, winking every now and again when we met gazes during a pose, and I knew I had to stay. Man, this made me angry. I wanted to leave. I wanted to shout. I wanted to yell back at the teacher. At one point after she tried to give me yet another harsh correction I actually spoke up and told her “No. I want to leave.” She backed off. I completed the practice, but the second she closed the class with the traditional “Namaste”, I stood up, flipped my mat closed; sweat drenched towel and all, walked to the back room, picked up my hoody, bag, and keys, walked back through the room, picked up my mat and water bottle, and walked out. The instructor was in the front at the juice bar and just called to me as I stomped off, “the door is locked”. I didn’t say a word, I unlocked the door, walked out, got in my car and drove off with all four windows down. Luckily the drive home is about 15-20 minutes on a highway where I could drive over 110 kmh with wind blowing around me. I breathed in and out – I did several loud “ohms”, I was so angry. I didn’t want to take it home with me, but it went home with me. I sat with the anger for about a day. I realized that I had a choice – I could choose to stay away from the experiences that are offering me such great benefits and go back to practicing yoga on my own alone, or I could return and just never attend that person’s class again if she was teaching. I debriefed the class with my favourite instructor the next day and she actually explained that she felt my telling the instructor the night before “no” was brilliant and the right thing to do because it set an example to the rest of the class that you can stand up for YOURSELF in yoga class. The teacher is there to guide you, but YOU are the one practicing yoga. It is YOUR practice. You, ultimately, are the instructor.
Interestingly, for my next two yoga experiences the instructor from that night was in the class. We practiced side by side. She is an amazing practitioner – a great example of how to do the poses. I’m not sure about her heart, though, I still haven’t felt it. I did thank her for practicing near me one day – I try to always thank those who practice near or around me for sharing the experience on any given day – I think she was surprised I spoke to her. She said a quiet thanks and quickly walked out of the room. Perhaps we’re even? We’ve both walked out on each other. As yoga goes, I’ve moved forward and realized that this experience of anger was a good thing for me to realize. I understand that I am the one who calls the shots for my body in yoga class. I will benefit from proper instruction and gentle persuasion to go further, go deeper, but I will also hurt myself if I try to bend to the will of another person who does not know me or love me. Will I attend another of her classes? Probably. But next time I’ll know that I can stop when I need to and what to expect. What if this happens again with another unknown teacher to me? Very good question. I will continue to meet with an instructor for even a few brief moments at the beginning of every class to touch base, but if this happens again, you can bet I’ll either be going back to get my keys or simply going down to my mat for quiet contemplation in the heated room.
The lesson in this for all of us? I hope I’ve been explicit enough in my dialogue to help you understand that your body, your health, your healing is in YOUR hands. There is a plethora of things you can try to heal yourself. You can read things like Heal Thy Self by Samtorelli (1999) or any other number of books on Mindfulness in Medicine. You can take medications that can help or harm you (like I’ve done in the past). You can use heat to heal with an infrared sauna, exercise to strengthen and motivate, practice yoga to balance yourself, have massage or work with a physiotherapist on mobility, but ultimately YOU are the one in control of your health. Consider everything you do. Be mindful. Take that deep slow breath in through and out of the nose. Think for even a split second before you push that little bit more. Will this help or heal you? Will it hurt? Hopefully, you will practice in a situation where your instructor has your best interest at heart and can tell that you can go just a little bit more or that you may need to hold back.
Today, almost two weeks after the fact, I am telling you this story. I have had many excellent yoga classes since as well as some personal and private infrared sauna sessions in my own home. My teeth are still a bit clenched just remembering the anger, but I’m working at just letting it go and float away knowing that I’ve learned a valuable lesson for myself. I hope this helps someone else along their journey to healing. I welcome your comments. Practice what you need for your body and remember heat to heal. KMB
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